


last young renegade heartache

by vulcanistics



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst, Drabble, F/M, Implied Relationships, M/M, Retirement
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-05-08 15:35:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14697146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vulcanistics/pseuds/vulcanistics
Summary: Sebastian grapples with the question of Kimi's retirement.





	last young renegade heartache

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, I've actually been wanting to write a fic with that title for a really long time and well, this happened because I couldn't stop thinking about all the stuff that happened around the Spanish GP. This isn't even actually a WIP but it's more of a series of possibilities, if inspiration strikes, you know? Anyway, hope you like it!

“I think I’m slipping,” Sebastian says when Hanna answers her phone. He can hear distant people talking and he pictures her sitting curled up on the couch in front of the television. Hanna doesn’t say a word. He listens to the sound of her measured steady breathing as he counts the clouds in the sky. He thinks about the lap timings from the race, the smell of degraded tyres, the data from testing, Kimi excusing himself early. Hanna waits for him to speak. 

He fiddles with the collar of his Ferrari team t-shirt and sighs, “There was a lot of retirement talk this weekend.”

“Kimi?” Hanna asks, her voice cracking over the speakers of his phone. Sebastian wonders what good he ever did to deserve someone like Hanna. He wants her understanding, her strength, her right hook, her stillness. She is not his emotional backbone but she is everything — Kimi is also, everything, and Hanna has always known everything.

“Yeah. Kimi.”

“What happened?” 

“I’m having trouble pretending that I’m okay with him leaving.”

“You don’t know that as yet.”

“Yeah. I don’t know as yet but it seems as though it is all anyone can talk about.”

The idea of a life after Formula 1, the question of retirement hangs over their heads, over Kimi’s head, and Sebastian wants to tear it down with his bare hands. He can hear the fan’s questions about Daniel about Kimi retiring and it plays in a loop in his head. He thinks of Kimi sitting in the Ferrari and Seb thinks of curling his fingers around the back of Kimi’s neck and kissing him.

“Sebastian, how was testing today?” Hanna’s voice cuts through his thoughts and Sebastian tries to remember the lap times from the day. He thinks about his children waiting for him at home. He wants to go home and collapse and rejuvenate and start all over again. 

“It looks decent, promising. Hope is a permanent thing with us. Hanna, thank you, I love you.”

She laughs gently and he can see her fondly shake her head at him, “I love you too.”

He thinks of Kimi sitting in the Ferrari and talking about not traveling as much after leaving. He thinks about the camera that had been focused on them, it was the only thing stopping him from curling his fingers around the back of Kimi’s neck and kissing his mouth. 

He thinks about begging Kimi to stay, but he won’t, he won’t do it again. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> \- hello, i love comments, critique and kudos.  
> \- you can find me on [tumblr.](https://kayhavertz.tumblr.com)  
> \- i might make an angsty simi playlist on spotify but idk if anyone would be into it lol


End file.
